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 Joke Time!!!

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tonio
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PostSubject: Joke Time!!!   10th April 2007, 3:15 pm

From: Mark Anthony

* Capt. Hook dumaan sa Quiapo,
pinirata!!!

* Palaisdaan, nasunog!!!

* Tahanang Walang Hagdan, inakyat!!!

* Bakla sumali sa away, napasubo!!!

* Bagong tuli nagyabang, lumaki ang
ulo!!!

* Unanong madre, napagkamalang
penguin!!!

* Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim daw ang
paningin!!!

* Iceman nanood ng o, nag-init!!!

* Tindera ng suka, tinoyo!!!

* Teacher nagkamali, tinuruan ng
leksyon!!!

* Lolo naakusahang nang-rape, pero sa
korte....biktima ayaw tumayo!!!

* Eroplano nag-crash, lahat ng
pasahero namatay
sabi ng mga survivor!!!

* Basurero nagsampa ng kaso,
binasura!!!

* Dahil may reklamo, eskwelahan ng
mga bingi
nag-noise barrage!!!

* Tubero, nagka-tulo!!!

* Lalaki natagpuang pugot ang ulo,
inaalam pa kung buhay!!!

* Barbero tumestigo sa krimen, ayaw
paniwalaan!!!

* Misis ng photographer, nakunan!!!

* Tindera ng tubig, namatay sa uhaw!!!

* Kaso ng pilay, nilalakad!!!

* Invisible man, nakita na!!!


Last edited by on 16th May 2007, 10:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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tonio
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PostSubject: Joke Time!!!   20th April 2007, 11:15 am

Gusto nyo pa ba ng ganito?

Yun tipong...

Guy1: Pare, alam mo amoy tinapay ka...
Guy2: Talaga tol? Anong tinapay?
Guy1: Putok!

Haha! di ko talaga makalimutan tong joke nato...
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   20th April 2007, 3:56 pm

Pano mo sasabihin sa friend mo na mahaba ang baba nya ng di sya nasasaktan?

Pano?!?!?


Ui... friend.. wag kang yuyuko ha.. baka masaksak mo sarili mo..

MUHAHAHAHA!
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@reymil
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   20th April 2007, 9:22 pm

may kanta kami dyan eh...

baba mo,. hahaba pang muli

wag kang yuyuko, baka ka masawi,,,

(tune? di na ako aasa pang muli..)

enjoy!!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 2:52 pm

ako patry..



TITSER: hu can give me an example of a tag question?............

PUPIL: my Teachr is beautiful, isn't she?....

TITSER: good! itagalog mo nga.....

PUPIL: si maam ay maganda, hndi nman db?....
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 9:24 pm

May isang pusa akong nakita sa daan..

Ako: Meow meow?

Pusa: meOw.. meo.. meow

Ako: Meow! mEOW?

Pusa: meow..

Ako: Meow.. Meow meow?

Pusa: Meow! meow meow MEow!

Ako: meow? meow! MEow?

Pusa: Ulol!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 9:36 pm

teacher: ok class.. bigyan niyo ko ng mga color na nagsstart sa letter "m"..

nagtaas ng kamay si pedro

pedro: mam maroon!!

teacher: very gud pedro, how bout you juan?

juan: mam its very easy,, mula, mink. mellow, mlack....



>nakornihan ako sa joke ko..
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 9:43 pm

i received a text message from my friend...

"grabe.. andito kami sa highway.. kaninang mga 10 mins ago eh bigla akong nagising habang nag-nap ako.. may nagsalpukan na bus at jeepney sa tabi namin.. talsik lahat ng pasahero.. nakaka-awa talaga kasi maraming nasaktan.. mas lalo akong naawa dun sa isang pasahero.. kasi pinipilit niyang gumapang papunta dun sa driver kahit sugatan... sabi niya.. "Mama, sukli ko ho, estudyante po yun".. tsk"
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 9:47 pm

affraid nanay: anu tong bilogsa papel mo?
na bokya k n nman sa test no? Twisted Evil

pedro: di yan zero nay!!
moon yan!! naubsan kz ng star ung teacher ko...
promiz moon yan!!!


afro
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 10:48 pm

Teacher: Pedro, 4+4?

Pedro: 8 po ma'am!

Teacher: hmm..... are you sure?

Pedro: Si ma'am naman hindi na mabiro, 9 po!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 10:52 pm

Gloria at Erap Kumakain sa Restaurant...

Gloria: Rice please!

Tumayo si Erap!

Nyahahaha!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 10:56 pm

Erap sa harap ng vending machine...

Bodyguard: Sir, kanina pa po kayo dyan ah... Bakit po ba kayo hulog ng hulog ng barya?

Erap: Sandali lang... nananalo pa ko eh!
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rence0722
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 10:58 pm

ahaha.. Very Happy katuwa naman ang mga j0wks...

ANO ANG SABI NG CENTIPEDE NUNG NAKASALUBONG NIYA UNG ISA PANG CENTIPEDE?!? Embarassed

"Pare, muzta, apir! apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!apir!........."

Suspect
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 11:03 pm

Sinugod ng mga Hapon ang Pilipinas!
Kanya kanyang tago sa mga kahon sila Ramos, Gloria at Erap!

Hapon: Ano tong mga kahon na to?

Sinipa ng hapon ang una...

Ramos: Aw!.. Aw!

Hapon: Wala, aso lang to!

Sinipa ng hapon ang pangalawa...

Gloria: Meow... Meow... noh!

Hapon: Pusa lang to!

Sinipa ng hapon ang pangatlo...

(walang tunog)

Sinipa pa ulit...

Erap: Wala akong tunog, patatas ako!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 11:07 pm

lalake: Sinong matapang dito?!

lumabas lalakeng malake katawan: Ako bakit?!

lalake: Survey lang po!... Oh yung mga duwag naman!
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 11:08 pm

A man was setting up his new e-mail account while his gf sat beside him. Feeling all macho, he put in "PENIS" as his password. His gf fell off her chair laughing when the error message registered as: "PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH" Laughing Laughing Laughing
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   27th April 2007, 11:17 pm

Guy1: Pare, ang sama ng ugali ng ex-girlfriend ko...

Guy2: Bakit pare?

Guy1: Bago kami nagbreak, iniwanan pa sa kwarto ko yung sex video nila ng lalake nya.

Guy2: Ang sama naman! Anong ginawa mo sa video?

Guy1: Ayun, pinadala ko sa tatay nya! Hehehe!


Last edited by on 28th April 2007, 10:04 am; edited 1 time in total
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kazzy
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 2:58 am

isng araw inutusan ni mommy centipede si baby centipede na bumili ng mantika.

mkalipas ang 2 oras..wla pa rn ung pnapabili ni mommy centipede na mantika.

nakita nia c baby centipede at pinagalitan:
mommy centipede: bkt dka pa umaalis?! kanina pa kta inutusan ah!!


baby centipede: haller! nay, ngtsitsinelas pa kya ako..eksayted?!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 10:34 am

Sa tindahan ng bulakak... may lumapit na ngongo...

MANAGER: Ano pong bulaklak ang gusto nyo?

NGONGO: Hhuungiii!

MANAGER: Ah.. Tulips!

NGONGO: hne... Hhuungi!

MANAGER: uhmm... Roses?

NGONGO: hne... Hhuungiiii!

MANAGER: Uhmmmm.... Sun flower?

NGONGO: hne!.... Hhuuungiiii!

MANAGER: hindi kita maintindihan... alam ko na!
may janitor akong ngongo... baka maintindihan ka nya!

(tinawag ng manager ang janitor)

MANAGER: Halika, pakinggan mo nga sya tapos sabihin mo sakin kung anong binibili nya...

(nagtanong uli ang manager...)

MANAGER: Ano pong bulaklak ang bibilin nyo?

NGONGO: Hhuuungiiiii!

MANAGER: Oh... alam mo na kung ano?

(tumango ang janitor)

MANAGER: Ano daw?

JANITOR: Hhuuungiiiii!!!!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 10:43 am

Pasahero1: Pare, kilala ko yung driver... duling yan...
Pwede tayong mandaya... magbayad tayo ng 10 pesos tapos doble ang tingin nya dun sigurado...

Pasahero2: Sige!

Pasahero1: Mama, bayad po oh! dalawa! (inabot ang P10)

Driver: Oh? Kung lang pa to ah!

Pasahero1: Bakit? 20 pesos yan ah?!

Driver: Oo nga..... EH APAT KAYO EH!
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@mars
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 4:50 pm

isang eksena sa korte ----

ATTY: Miss, pwede mo bang i describe dito sa korte yung nang reyp sayo? ---
MISS:(umiiyak) maiitim po sya, kalbo, bungi, pango at mabaho po ang hininga. ---
SUSPECK: SIGE!! MAMINTAS KA PA!!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 5:02 pm

isang araw umuwi si juan s bhay nla...

juan:tay-tay!
tatay:o bkit juan?
juan:me tnong po ako
tatay:abah! thats a sign of being smart! sbi k n nga b n npka tlino mo eh... eh ano ung tnong mo?
juan:tay... d b dti bumgsak k s history test mo po?
tatay:ah... oo... bkit mo nmn naitanung yan?
juan:ksi po nniniwla po ako n history repeats itself!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 9:47 pm

sa isang pulisya..

MISS: mamang pulis.. huhuhu.. na-rape po ako..
PULIS: miss.. may natatandaan ka bang palatandaan ng nangrape sayo?

MISS: wala po eh.. pero masarap siyang humalik..
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 9:50 pm

isang babae ang napadaan sa toy store at may nakitang robot...
hinulugan niya ng barya ang slot at nagsimulang gumalaw ang robot..
hinalikan ng hinalikan ng robot ang babae...

ROBOT: TSUP TSUP TSUP TSUP!
MISIS: AY! bastos kang robot ka! humanda ka! babalikan kita!!

umuwi ang babae sa bahay..
nang palabas na uli ang babae nakasalubong niya ang anak niya..

ANAK: Mommy.. san mo dadalin yang piggy bank ko?
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 9:55 pm

Nakasalubong ng lola ang kanyang apo kasama ang boyfriend nito..

LOLA: Hoi! ikaw babae.. napakalandi mo talaga at sumasama ka dyan sa lalaking yan.. wala kang kasing landi!! pumasok ka sa bahay ngayon na!! MALANDI KA TALAGA!

APO: O--opo lola..
LALAKI: hayaan niyo po akong magpaliwanag..

LOLA: At ikaw lalaki! Don'T ChA wISh your GirlFriEnD waS hOt LiKe mE! <sabay irap.. taray!>
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 11:16 pm

CENSUS: Mrs. ilan po ang anak nyo?


bbae: 13 po


CENSUS: dami pala, nde po ba kyo gumagamit ng condom, pills, rhythm, o withdrawal?


bbae: ay nde,

TITI LNG TLGA....


(T.I.T.I.M.O and T.I.T.I.P.A. ROCKS!!!)
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th April 2007, 11:25 pm

TATAY: Junior, anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo?

JUNIOR: Magsasaka po tay!

TATAY: Haha! Yan ang anak ko, lalakeng lalake! Magsasaka!
Eh ano naman gusto mong itanim?

JUNIOR: Flowers po! Maraming maraming flowers!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th April 2007, 1:07 pm

Tatlong baliw ang nag-uusap...

BALIW1: Mga tol, alam nyo bang ako ang pinakamakapangyarihan dito? Ako ang Presidente ng Pilipinas e!

BALIW2: Teka, mas makapangyarihan kaya ako sayo! Ako ang Presidente ng Amerika noh!

BALIW1: Bakit, Sino may sabi?

BALIW2: Ang diyos!

BALIW3: Oy, wala akong sinasabi ah!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th April 2007, 1:11 pm

LALAKE: father, alam nyo po, lima na po ang napatay ko.

PARI: Bakit naman anak?

LALAKE: kasi po father lahat sila naniniwala sa diyos!
kayo po father, naniniwala po ba kayo sa diyos?

PARI: dati... pero ngayon trip trip nalang!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th April 2007, 2:02 pm

Loy - Di ka pa natutulog, hatinggabi na nagbabasa ka pa ng libro.

Rap
- Sabi kase ni Doc, may blood test ako bukas.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th April 2007, 2:03 pm

Loy - Yung Pajero natin kinakarnap. Dali, habulin mo yung karnapers!
(Makaraan ang ilang saglit ay bumalik sa Rap.)


Loy - Ano, inabutan mo ba yung karnapers?
Rap - Hindi pero wag kang mag-alala, nakuha ko yung plate number ng Pajero na sinasakyan nila!
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mukamoh
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th April 2007, 3:32 pm

2 friends

friend 1: pare cnong idol artista
friend 2: ciempre Arnold Schwarzenegger
friend 1: cge spell Schwarzenegger
friend 2: ano kaba cno un ang idol koh c Jet Lee
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   1st May 2007, 8:27 pm

sa kasagsagan ng misa...

MADRE: boy, an0 nga pla pangalan mo?!?

JUAN: juan po..

MADRE: anong apelyid0 mo...

JUAN: sus ko sister, lagi nyo pong hinahawakan yun eh...

MADRE: ay Dios ko, Titi apelyido mo.,..?!?

JUAN: Hala, si sister, ROSARIO po apelyid0 ko... Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   2nd May 2007, 12:57 am

HEADLINE SA NEWS:

Isang babae ang walang awang pinaslang sa EDSA at hinihinalaang ninakawan at GINAHASA pa ng isang lalaki.. Sinasabing wala sa katinuan ang lalaking ito kaya kahit sinong babae ang mapadaan ay agad nitong dinadakip.. Hindi pa nahuhuli ang rapist kaya pinapayuhan ang lahat ng mga kababaihan na magingat..

KINABUKASAN SA HEADLINE NEWS:

Matindi ang traffic sa bandang EDSA dahil libo-libong lola ang nagjojoging at hindi magkamayaw ang kanilang pagrami..

ecstatic lol! ecstatic lol! ecstatic
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   7th May 2007, 10:00 pm

Erap: Pare, ang bilis ko natapos buuin ang puzzle na'to!!

Juan: Talaga?! Gaano katagal?!?

Erap: 5 months, o di ba!!!

Juan: Eh tanga ka pala eh, 5 months, ang tagal na nun!!!

Erap: Kasi sabi sa box "For 3 years and up"


dance
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   7th May 2007, 10:02 pm

DOC: iha, anong trabaho mo?!?

IHA: Ano po, substitute!!!

DOC: Hindi kea Prostitute yan?!/

IHA: Hindi po, nanay ko ung Prostitute...


Kung may sakit siya o kaya absent, ako po ung SUBSTITUTE,.,.,
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   8th May 2007, 1:21 am

Naabutan ni Tito si Joey na namimingwit sa sapa..

TITO: pare namimingwit ka?
JOEY: hindi nilulunod ko lang tong bulate.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   8th May 2007, 2:37 am

^lol!
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   8th May 2007, 3:35 pm

Pumunta si Piyo sa restawran..

PIYO: weyter cheeseburger nga yung walang cheese.
WEYTER: Ano pa po?
PIYO: saka isang ice cold beer yung hindi malamig..
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   8th May 2007, 4:01 pm

joke!!joke!joke!!
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tonio
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   9th May 2007, 4:02 pm

Babae: father, patawarin nyo po ako, kase po pag nakakarinig po ako ng mura hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na makipagsex...

Pari: Tang inA! Hindi nga?!
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razelski
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   9th May 2007, 9:48 pm

Telecom History

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year,
Japanese scientists found traces of copper wire dating
back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their
ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand
years ago.

In the weeks that followed, American scientists dug
200 metres and headlines in the US papers read:

"US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old
optical fibres, and have concluded that their
ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Japanese".





One week later, a Filipino newspaper reported the
following:

"After digging as deep as 500 metres, Filipino
scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have
concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were
already using wireless technology".


Iba ang PINOY!!!!!
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rence0722
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   9th May 2007, 10:31 pm

BOY: Wui!!!

GIRL: Oh!?!

BOY: Muzta naman?!?

GIRL: e2, mabuti... ikaw?!?

BOY: ako rn, mabuti naman...









at nagkamustahan ang dalawa... sweet!!!
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razelski
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   11th May 2007, 11:45 pm

lumalalim ang gabi...










bakit kaya ganun?











wala namang humuhukay....
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@mars
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   14th May 2007, 10:56 pm

>>>Last Night.......I Have a "DREAM"! angel raw me!Habang Lumilipad me...Nabali pak-pak ko
uhh
>>>Mabuti n lang nanjan k "FRIEND"!Sumabit me s Sungay mo! goodboy
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vInTaGe
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   15th May 2007, 12:45 am

Ui favor naman oh.. wag mo iboboto si joker sa darating na eleksyon.. kaaway namin yun eh..





-batman and robin
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razelski
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   15th May 2007, 2:08 pm

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly
gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! 'Yan din ang pangarap niya!
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razelski
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   15th May 2007, 2:09 pm

Dok: May taning na ang buhay mo.
Juan: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Dok: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
Juan: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
Dok: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!
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razelski
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   15th May 2007, 2:12 pm

Different prayers of single women...
At Age 15: Lord, give me SuperMAN.
At Age 18: Lord, give me a cute MAN.
At Age 20: Lord, give me the best MAN
At Age 30: Lord, give me a good MAN
At Age 40: Lord, give me a MAN.
At Age 50: Lord, give me sinoMAN.
At Age 60: Lord, maawa ka naMAN.
At Age 70: Lord, kaya ko pa naMAN.
At Age 80: Lord, kahit hipo MAN lang
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razelski
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   15th May 2007, 2:13 pm

Misis: Dok, kumusta ang aking mister?
Dok: Sorry, po. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapaligo at magpapakain
sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa...
Misis: HAH?! HINDI NGA?!
Dok: He! He! He! Ninerbyos kayo, 'no?! Joke lang! Patay na siya!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   Today at 6:45 pm

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