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 Joke Time!!!

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nicolymitation
ADIK Level Tambalanista
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Club : wala na,.. club ng mga tambay at adik sa tambalan
Hobbies : hobbies??? magbilang ng pako.. boys watching
Registration date : 2007-12-27

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   23rd March 2008, 6:28 pm



happy EASTER

iTmYle Po kayu.. TingNAn nyo lng 2ng pic na ITecthiwa

paya mataya tayu ngayung Easter sunday

girllaugh hurray
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tsetze
AWAT NA Level Tambalanista
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Number of posts : 2297
Age : 96
Location : molino
Club : PMEA
Hobbies : mag-update ng facebook
Registration date : 2007-04-24

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 2:38 pm




An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind.





A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"



"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."


"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.


The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday!"



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nicolymitation
ADIK Level Tambalanista
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Number of posts : 1720
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Location : rosario,cavite
Club : wala na,.. club ng mga tambay at adik sa tambalan
Hobbies : hobbies??? magbilang ng pako.. boys watching
Registration date : 2007-12-27

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 5:05 pm

nkaka antok basahin
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tsetze
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Club : PMEA
Hobbies : mag-update ng facebook
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 5:08 pm

tyagaan lang kabisyong nico.....



basta kmi nagtyatyaga mag-antay ng treat mo...hahahaha
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sarahjorge2004
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 7:12 pm

padaan lng poh!!
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 8:47 pm

sneak geh daan lng ng daan... runaround

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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 8:52 pm

The Exam

Si Pedro at Cardo after the exam.
Cardo: Perdo, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
Pedro: Hindi!
Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
Pedro: Nahirapan ako sa answers!


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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 8:54 pm

Spelling

Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...

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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 8:55 pm

An Alcoholic Son's Letter To His Dad

Beer dad,
Gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kelan. Tanduayan mo yan.
Your son,
Miguel.

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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   24th March 2008, 8:56 pm

Ways To Know You Are A Filipino

1. You point with your lips
2. You nod upwards to greet someone.
3. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir".
4. You smile for no reason.
5. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
6. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
7. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," "Bhoy," "Rhon."
8. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV
9. You like everything imported or "state-side."
10. You Check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying.
11. You always offer food to all your visitors.
12. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
13. You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
14. You asked for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
15. You asked for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of just "pen."
16. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger"(pronounced ham-boor-jer)
17. You say "Ha?" instead of "What."
18. You say "Hoy" to get someone's attention.
19. You answer when someone yells "Hoy."
20. You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
21. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
22. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for over acting, or "TNT" for, well, you know.
23. You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
24. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
25. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room.
26. You own a Karaoke System.
27. You own a piano that no one ever plays.
28. You own a "barrel man" (you pull up the barrel and you see something that looks familiar. schwing...)
29. You refer to your VCR as a "beytamax
30. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room
31. Your car has too many "burloloys" like a Jipneys back in P.I.
32. You hang a Rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
33. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
34. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto"
35. This you 'll agree 100% ... Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairytale.

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tsetze
AWAT NA Level Tambalanista
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 10:14 am

korek !!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 10:20 am

xiaozhinzhu wrote:
The Exam

Si Pedro at Cardo after the exam.
Cardo: Perdo, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
Pedro: Hindi!
Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
Pedro: Nahirapan ako sa answers!






hahahahahahaha di ko mabasa joke mo maliit na, masakit pa mata yung color na ginamit,,,,
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 10:26 am

Babae: MAGNANAKAW!!!!!
Pulis: Bakit miss ano ang ninakaw sa yo?
Babae: HALIK.
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tsetze
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Number of posts : 2297
Age : 96
Location : molino
Club : PMEA
Hobbies : mag-update ng facebook
Registration date : 2007-04-24

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 10:37 am

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks Into a pharmacy And wanders Up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him And asks him If she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for A box of tampons For his wife.
She directs him down The correct Aisle.



A few minutes later, He deposits A huge bag Of cotton Balls and
A ball of string on the counter.


She says, confused, ' Sir,
I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?


He answers, ' You See, it's Like this, Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store To get me a carton Of cigarettes, and She came back
With a tin of tobacco
And some rolling Papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo Much cheaper. So, I figure If I have To roll my own ..........
So does she.
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tsetze
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Hobbies : mag-update ng facebook
Registration date : 2007-04-24

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 10:39 am

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?




Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.


Older Woman: Oh, I see.


Officer: Can I see your license please?


Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.


Officer: Don't have one?


Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.


Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.


Older Woman: I can't do that.


Officer: Why not?


Older Woman: I stole this car.


Officer: Stole it?


Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.


Officer: You what?


Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.


The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.


Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.


Older woman: Is there a problem sir?


Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?


Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.


The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.


Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.


The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.


The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.


Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.


Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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sweet_otaka
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Club : night club... wahahaha....
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 11:49 am

3 BABIES wer playing in d crib

wen suddenly baby girl cried....
"RAPE!!!!!"
BABY BOY said: " haller?! malandi ka!"
inupuan mo lang yang tsupon mo!"


"AMBISYOSA!"
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sweet_otaka
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Female
Number of posts : 4635
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Location : Manila
Club : night club... wahahaha....
Hobbies : surfing d' net, chika ever, & playing pc games, psp & ipod. wat ever!
Registration date : 2008-02-25

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 11:51 am

2 BABIES wer playing in d crib

wen suddenly baby girl cried....

"RAPE!!!!!"
BABY BOY said: " haller?! malandi ka!"
inupuan mo lang yang tsupon mo!"


"AMBISYOSA!"
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 12:09 pm

haha..., aus na mga baby yan huh?? kalurkei..!! girllaugh

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 12:28 pm

yeah left
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 1:06 pm

yeah right...

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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 1:24 pm

Zodiac Sign

May magkasintahan nagsa-star gazing:
BF : Luv, anong zodiac sign mo?
GF : Zodiac sign? Ano yon?
BF : Yung Horoscope mo. Gaya ko, sa 'kin Cancer.
GF : Ah, ganun? Sa 'kin Almoranas!

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sarahjorge2004
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 1:25 pm

yeah.....hay!!!!
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 1:26 pm

Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion

The FINALISTS :

Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 1:35 pm

Isang araw, matagal na nakatitig si piglet kay pooh...

Pooh: bakit ka ba ganyan tumitig sa akin??
Piglet: ang taba mo loko, dapat ikaw si piglet eh...

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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   28th March 2008, 1:36 pm

kahit gaano kalalim ang ilog, hanggang dibdib lang ng duck!!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   29th March 2008, 1:21 pm

PAALALA... SA APRIL 1, TATLONG MAHAHALAGANG EVENTS ANG IGUGUNITA NATIN. UNA, FIRST ANNIVERARY NG TAMBALAN-ON-LINE. PANGALAWA, ANG SEVENTY YEARS EXISTENCE NG NESTLE. AT PANGATLO. WAG KANG MAGPAPAUTANG DAHIL HINDE KA NA NYA BABAYARAN. UNLESS OF COURSE, KUNG IKAW ANG UUTANG.....
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 10:35 am

nice post kabisyong adodjski!! ayos
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 10:36 am

anyweiz.., thanks for the paalala... Cool
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 11:47 am

Sintomas ng mga Sobra Adik sa Chat
1. pasmado ang kamay
2. ulcer
3. lumulobong eyebags
4. warak na warak na bladder
5. tumatawa kahit walang tao
6. nagsasalita kahit walang tao
7. kinikilig habang tumitipa sa keyboard
8. nagkwekwento na gumagalaw ang daliri kahit walang keyboard
9. delingkwente sa trabaho at eskwela
10. lumiligaya ng sekswal kahit hindi nahihipo (psst... mga nagsa-cyber diyan..lol.)
11. kapag naiinis..parang gusto mag .(dot) kill
12. Walang kaibigan na me pangalang normal...
13. Hindi na kilala ng pamilya...
14. nanginginig kapag nalalayo sa computer
15. madalas manigas ang daliri
16. Inaatake ng kung anu-anong sakit kapag nasisira ang modem/down ang ISP
17. Kapag nakakarinig ng paulit ulit na nagsasalita na tao ang isinisigaw eh "stop flooding"
18. Ayaw ng maglunch pag nakaumpisang magchat
19. Overstay sa office instead of overtime.
20. ASL pa rin ang tanong pag nakikipagkilala in person.
21. BRB pa rin ang sinasabi sa teacher o sa Boss kung pupunta sa CR..
22. When they greet someone, they say, "Hello Everybuddy!!!
23. Before leaving, they say "5...4...3...2...1... Bye Everybuddy!!!
24. When they see a girl, or someone who looks like one, they'll say Muaaaahhhh!!!"
25. Living out their fantasies in the chat room, like kissing a girl or someone who looks like a girl, or someone pretending to be a girl…..can't do that in reality kaya sa chat room na lang.
26. Their typing speed is 100 words per minute.
27. Laughs like this, "Bwahahahahah!"........Hak Hak Hak "
30. Always gives a fake age and sex
31. Pag natutulog at nagising, unang dinig "Welcome or You got mail" ...Lol
32. Laging mataas ang Phone Bill, kahit nasa Africa tinatawagan.
33. Kahit nasaan, `pag may nakitang Comp. IRC agad ang nasa isip.
34. May blackbook na dala , pero puro screen name ang nakasulat instead real name.
35. Puro punters and tosser pinag uusapan, wala ng iba sa personal.
36. pag may nakilala kahit hindi onliners tanong agad "Chatter ka?"
37. Puro onliners ang GF o BF, ayaw ng nde onliner.
38. Laging nasa gimik ng IRC at kilala ang mga members.
39. Wall paper sa kwarto puro pic ng mga onliners. Lol
40. Laging nag-iisip kung anong nick name ang next na gagamitin.
41. Minumura si chanserv at nickserv kapag "currently down"..(nde kasi nila makukuha ang OP status nila!!)
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 11:49 am

Bata:Manong, Ano po ba capital ng Pilipinas?
Manong:Alam Mo walang capital ang Pilipinas.
Bata:Bakit po?
Manong:Kasi puro utang....
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 11:52 am

SCIENTIFIC NAMES:
CUTE - ahkoyan.
TALENTED - ahkophayan.
ROMANTIC - akhopharyn-yan.
LOVABLE - akhoulityan.
ABNORMAL - ahikawnahyahn!
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:02 pm

What do parents want from their daughter's
suitors?

1. Pleasing PESO-nality
2. Good CAR-acteristics
3. Good family BANK-ground
4. Lots of good MONEYrs
5. Nice and CASH-ual
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:04 pm

Nasa bundok ka nahulog cel mo at asawa mo, anong gagawin mo? magpakatotoo ka, sagipin mo cel mo at isigaw mo sa asawo mo text na lang kitaaaaaa'
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:06 pm

Why does a man want to have
a WIFE?

W
- washing

I - ironing

F - food

E - entertainment

FREE of CHARGE!
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:08 pm

Newsflash - Sa pakikipagtulungan ng DILG at
Jollibee,
nasugpo ang isang malaking sindikatong mga droga! Sinunog nila ang
lahat ng nasamsam nila at tinawag nila ang proyekto ng OPLAN: Langhap Sarap!
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:08 pm

Newsflash - Gagawa rin ng pelikula sina Vince
Hizon at Porky Pig
ng animated na pelikula tulad ng ginawa ni Michael Jordan
at Bugs Bunny na Space Jam. Ang titulo ng pelikula nila ay Pork and Vince.
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:12 pm

PANGALANG PILIPINO ipinalit sa AMERICAN NAME


Restituto Fruto - Tutti Fruti
Casimiro Bocaycay - Cashmere Bouquet
Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
Veneracion de Asis - Venereal Disease
Alfonso de Asis - Alzheimer's Disease
Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
Francisco Portero - Frank Porter
Juan Tampipi - John Samsonite
Victoria Malihim - Victoria's Secret
Anacleto Torres - Clit Towers
Eliutario Ignacio - Electronic Ignition
Bienvenido Jurado - Ben Hur
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:15 pm

BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng " cooling place " ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo "
Hilow, hus cooling place ? "
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:16 pm

GIRL 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
GIRL 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh !
GIRL 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?
GIRL 2 : yung misis niya !
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:19 pm

KOSA 1: Ganda kotse o Siguro kay meyor yan!
KOSA 2: Dili, bay!
KOSA 1: Ah, kay Warden.
KOSA 2: Tunto! Kay Father yan, nakasulat na nga sa
likod " SAFARI "
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:21 pm

Kring, kring.........
AMO:Inday sagutin mo ang telepono baka kabit yan ng Sir mo!!!
INDAY:Si Ma'am talaga o.....pinapaselos ako!!!
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:24 pm

Husband: Lagi mo pala dinadala ang picture ko sa bag
mo pag pumapasok ka sa office. Baket?
Wife: Pag may problema ko, kahit gaano kabigat,
nawawala kapag nakikita ko ang picture mo.
Husband: Sabi ko na nga ba talagang mahal na mahal
mo ko.
Wife:Tinitingnan ko lang ang picture mo tapos sinasabi
ko sa sarili ko na WALA NG PROBLEMA NA MAS HIHIGIT
PA DITO.
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 12:27 pm

Inday: Sir, karamihan pala ng nakalibing sa sementeryo, ginahasa!
Sir: Paano mo nalaman?
Inday: Kasi, nakalagay sa lapida nila?RIP!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 3:45 pm

Pag may injury ka, lagyan ng asin ang katawan kung saan ang injury.. dahil may kasabihan... ADDING SALT TO INJURY....
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   30th March 2008, 3:47 pm

ay add insult to injury pala. sorry
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xiaozhinzhu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   1st April 2008, 7:48 pm

sa party, nilapitan ng isang guwapong lalake ang isang babae,

Lalake: sasayaw ka ba?

tuwang tuwa ang babae na tumayo..

Babae: yes!!!

Lalake: buti naman... paupo ha...
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xiaozhinzhu
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Registration date : 2008-02-21

PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   1st April 2008, 7:49 pm

Misis: Hon, bakit ang dumi dumi mo at ang baho mo pa??!!!

Mister: nakita mo ba yung maliit na imburnal sa kanto naten???

Misis: oo!!

Mister: puwes.. ako!! hindi ko nakita!!! Smile
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deo
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   2nd April 2008, 1:59 pm

DOC : u look terribly weak & exhausted! Are u having ur meals 3 times a day as i advised?

LADY: Mah GOSSSSH! Doc i thought u said 3 males a day...
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   2nd April 2008, 2:03 pm

funny
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tsetze
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   2nd April 2008, 2:07 pm

Doctor: Misis, hindi po kau buntis, hangin lang po laman ng tiyan nyo kaya malaki....


Misis: Doc, mawalang galang na pero ano palagay mo sa toooottt ng mister ko, COMPRESSOR????
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Time!!!   Today at 6:15 pm

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